Thursday, April 27, 2017

first child of mine

{i am home alone.  i have plenty to do.
but instead i am dusting off the old blog and listening to this brand new cover album in preparation of seeing brandi carlisle on sunday night.}

chris and i joined a new yoga studio.  i'll blog more on that later, because it has been a game changer for us.
to give you an idea of the first child of mine, you must know that he is an early riser.  he sets an alarm for goodness sake (i mean, i do too.  difference is he doesn't hit snooze approximately one million times per morning.  but i digress.)  he likes to wake up early, veg on the couch, watch a show before the hustle and bustle of eating breakfast, getting dressed and getting out of the door for school.

two to three mornings a week, chris goes to a 6 am yoga class, arriving home in time enough to get the boys to school (it's their thing).

on those days chris is gone, my ben pours me a cup of coffee and brings it to me in bed, lays down and chats with me to get our mornings together started.  i turn my alarm off.

he is nine now.

he brings me coffee.

he lets me snuggle him and just like that my day is made.

i can't even with this child.
 he's growing up.
 just yesterday he talked to me about girls.

 he is our gentle ben.
 a baby-lover.
 a talented drummer.
 an appreciator of music and food and people and experiences.
 a friend to everyone.
 he is hestitant to try new things, he's set in his ways, he's stubborn like a bull--- but once he branches out he embraces life big.

 he is funny and gentle and emotional and passionate, oh so passionate.

nine years ago he changed our lives and has since managed to enhance the lives of everyone he meets.

this boy of mine who likes girls and brings me coffee,
has my heart.
forever and ever.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

well, hello there

hello, old friend.

how are you?  i hope well.

let me tell you what, i feel great right now.  i just got back from a yoga class at a new studio.  i have been in yoga limbo for a while, since my favorite teacher quit teaching...everywhere.  she didn't just leave my gym, she left teaching.  i didn't have the option to follow her to wherever she was going like a loyal little puppy.

but now, after some trial and error, i have found a yoga home.  it checks off everything my yogi heart desires.  the space is inspiring, the practice is challenging, and i leave there shiny with the sweat of my hard work and from essential oils that smell like a million hippie angels.  not the dready phish show hippie smell (trust me, phish shows have a very specific...odor) but the oily goodness smell of heaven.  not certain if that's what heaven smells like, but i sure hope it's lavender.

i crave this practice.  it's part of my new coping mechanism.
i am struggling, friends.  i worry about our current administration.  i lie in shavasana at the end of practice and try to force thoughts of trump out of my head.  ugh, he's even invading my happy space.

i get uncomfortable talking about politics.  so i typically don't on facebook.  if anyone knows me on a personal level at all, knows that i'm a bleeding heart liberal.  but i don't post about it, not because i don't feel like it's worth standing up for or being vocal about, but because i don't want to invite a debate on my page between a person i haven't seen since the tenth grade and a relative.  it makes me want to curl up in a ball and i wish i wasn't like that.  i wish i were bolder and i so admire those who are, but since i am not, i have made a gameplan of tangible things i can do to not lie awake in bed at night worrying about women, my children's numerous refugee friends from school and their precious families, that stupid wall, my homosexual friends, the future of public's just so much, y'all.

my dear friend, a trump supporter, has told me to be patient.  let's wait and see how it all shakes out, he says.  and as much as i love him and value his friendship, i can't be patient.  my feelings get hurt too easily.  hi, my name is cortney and crying is how i express emotion: anger, disappointment, joy.  see?  i am a mess!

but obama told me (and you) in his final speech, which my pastor at church also iterated in his own words at church a few weeks ago: it is easy to only surround yourself with people like you.  we can edit our social media to only see those we agree with, we can select our news sources to cater to what we want to hear.  we must resist the urge to surround ourself with the same.

so this is why i cannot quit facebook.  i helps me keep my finger on the pulse of how other people feel about issues, it keeps me informed about what is important to some and not to others, and it (frustratingly) keeps me from retreating into my comfortable little world free of conflict and difference of opinion.

i can't get comfortable.

but in order to cope, here's my plan:

1) keep it simple.  call my governor and senators and congressmen.  it's a easy, manageable task and quite honestly is the most i've participated in democracy outside of voting (thanks, trump!  haha.)

2) love my babies.  tell them everyday that they are wonderful capable human beings that are valued in the eyes of god the same as everyone else is.  i want to encourage them to be a friend to those who are different than them, to defend those who need defending, and that all families do not look just like ours....and that's a good thing.

3) look up more.  notice the sky.  life is so much bigger than me being stressed about an election outcome.

4) keep my privilege in check.  this is the first time i have ever felt like my administration has none of my best interests at heart.    here i am, alomost thirty-eight years old, feeling what some americans have felt their entire lives.  
3) go to yoga.  breathe.  work my butt off and then get my temples rubbed with oily goodness by my hippie goddess yoga instructor.
4) go to church. serve my community.  love my husband. take care of my inner circle: our friends, our neighbors, our school, our community, our city and hope that it ripples outward from there.

so although my outrage might not be loud and proud on social media, my heart is on fire.
i've got a plan.

i love you all.  i'm sorry i've been absent in this space.  
how are y'all doing?  any coping mechanisms you want to share?

i'll be back soon.
promise, promise.

p.s.  here is a book that my sister read, loved and shared with me.
these exceprts below explain why i can't blow up facebook with my convictions.  it's because i physically. can. not.

y'all i can't even watch american idol because it makes me uncomfortable.  haha!

oh, and my best friend is about to have a baby,
life is so, so good.


Thursday, September 15, 2016

links from chris

first things first, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Amber!

secondly, i am super annoyed that i cannot format these links to fit inside the blog parameters.  boo, hiss!  dumb!

thirdly, if you don't know this already, my husband is on twitter and i am not.  so he sends me the most awesomely funny/ridiculous/inspiring things he finds.  here's the best of the latest:
1) i've had enough already.
Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5)
I'm sick and fucking tired of not being best friends with Beyoncé.

2) beck is awesome.  this song is awesome.  i have a soft spot for weird  white boys with soul.

3) this just gives me all of the warm fuzzies.  makes me want to go to a pride parade asap.
BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed)
Meet the 92-year-old who has been attending pride with the same sign for over 30 years

4) uummmm, excuse me.  bel biv devoe has a new song.  who's coming with me to the skating rink?

5) or in other words, "wanna drink and watch shameless on netflix"?
James (@Easy_Rider43)
Me flirting, wanna drink a 24 pack, & mess around...

6) truer words were never spoken.

The best thing about working out and eating well is knowing that eventually I'll be dead and won't have to do this anymore

7) #goals
*drinks 1 bottle of water*
man i am so good at taking care of myself i mean wow

9) absolutely. 
Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell)
"Wicked Game" still sounds so ridiculously cool

10) margaritas are my spirit animal cocktail.

Which is why I'm gonna order me two of 'em, please and thanks.

11) a "links from chris" wouldn't be complete without a von miller cameo.

12) how about this, art nerds?!?!

Extremely cool photos of Picasso drawing with light, captured by Gjon Mili for LIFE in 1949.

13) why can't i ever pull the right one?  whhhyyyyyyyy?
Baby Blues (@ambernh86)
0 for 3,000 on pulling the correct ceiling fan chain

14) thirty-seven years young.
Doug Bies (@dougbies)
I'm "Nirvana" isn't "classic rock" years old

15) i spent half of my childhood pretending to be annie.

16) side of bacon, please.
P8T (@passion8turk)
This green smoothie tastes like God wants me to be fat.

17) looooooove this!
Picasso's self-portrait at ages 18, 25, and 90.

18) i'm going with that.....
Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad)
*whispers to an avocado*
"I'm the good kind of fat, too."

19) i could stare at them all day long.
When they had the most adorable impersonators ever.

20) i live with chris and two of his clones.
Rach Riot (@ryan_rachryan80)
You talk an awful lot of shit for someone that's only 3' tall . Now get your ass In the house and quit acting like your daddy.
21) "i'm staaaaarrrrving", in my best chris farley voice.
Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom)

22) nerd alert! nerd alert!
If you track the relative positions of Earth and Venus over an 8 year period, this is the resulting pattern.

23) show-offs.
Perfect Mess (@XOperfectmessXO)
Calm down moms who run while pushing a stroller

Calm the fuck down

24) they never stop.
Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy)
My 5 year old excels at 9-minute questions.

25) ha.
Simon Holland (@simoncholland)
Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop having twelve dollars.

26) these two just might be my favorites.

Friday, September 2, 2016

greatest hits

you guys, i have embarked upon a new chapter in parenthood.  it's my new reality, and will likely be that for a time, so i better get used to it.

you see, my baby started kindergarten.  we have been looking forward to this (not gonna lie) for some time now.  i work two days a week, mondays and tuesdays.  for quite some time, the rest of my days were spent dropping off at pre-school, watching my niece while my sister works, picking up two littles at two schools at different times, then picking up my big boy.  the space between was spent being busy.  getting shit done.  you know, mom stuff.

but now there is only one school.  one drop-off.  one pick-up (aside from the days i pick up addy).
as nice as summer is with it's lazy mornings and later bedtimes and days spent figuring out something to do or nothing at all, august just about kills us.  by that time we are done.  the boys try to kill each other on the daily and i try not to kill them .  plain and simple.

and now that they are out of the house, with full days of structure on their agendas, i sit here looking for ways to stay busy, to be productive.  and believe me, i have managed to knock things off my to-do list left and right at lightening speed.  i FINALLY have uninterrupted hours to draw houses and complete my orders, yet somehow when i turn on the real housewives of new york/orange county (a.k.a. the only two that matter) to entertain me as i work at home, it suddenly feels like i'm eating bonbons.
it's making me uncomfortable.
i'm not whining, i promise.  i'm just baffled.
i feel like an empty-nester!

i am dumping most of my summer photos here, but don't be fooled!  we did fill many of our days with some really fun things (of which i documented) but there were just as many days spent doing a whole lot of nothing with an occasional group grocery outing to super target.

here's the best of:

1) aaaahhhhh, camps.  a working momma's summer savior.  this is a photo from camp kindness.  the kids were rewarded for being good citizens with face paint.  a win-win.
 2) the dallas museum of art is my favorite place for many reasons.  a membership pays for itself for the free parking alone, but it is especially helpful in the summertime because a) it's free b) it's air-conditioned c) the kid's connections area and d) it's free.  it's the perfect summertime way to eat up a couple of hours.

 3) my doodle started taking piano lessons.  y'all.  i can't even.  
he's in a class with his best friend in the whole world from pre-school (who attends kindergarten at a different school) and they hug fiercely when they reunite weekly at piano lessons.
(the boys take lessons from the studios of sarah strout.  i can't recommend it enough).

 4) and speaking of my doodle, this child really deserves his own blog post for the things that fly out of his mouth.  here's a sampling:

c: mmmm, momma this chapstick tastes like wood.
me: wood?  what do you mean?
c: you know, like jesus' cross.
me: wait, what? you know what the cross tastes like?
c: yep.  you can have it.
me: what, the chapstick?
c: no, the JESUS chapstick.
 5) thirty minutes from home is the best peach ice cream in the world.  in the summertime, we drive out there for a "snack".
 6) my man and i celebrated twelve years of marriage.  dinner, drinks and a hangover.  i love him.
 7) big boy went to theater camp!  be still my heart.  that child has been putting on the theatrics in front of the mirror his entire life, but once he got up on a real stage, he was a nervous wreck.  he was brave and he had fun, so we couldn't be more proud.
 8) the zoo.  it's all my children care about.  gorillas, specifically.
 9) dallas experienced great tragedy this summer.  we cried.  a lot.  i stayed awake worrying at night.  my heart breaks every time i let myself think about the events of that day in july and the complicated and gut-wrenching events that led up to it.  i am proud of my city and the way it handled itself in the days, weeks, months following the tragedy.  we were able to take the kids to pay our respects to the fallen officers.  i am so glad we did.

 10) lake highlands creamery opened less than a minute from our house.  this is good/not good news.
 11) we found a church we really like.  it happens to be the church i grew up in, but that's not why it fits us.  been having some of those full-circle life moments since we've been visiting, though.
 12) for the most part, we pretty much have to drag ben to do anything.  it's been that way his whole life.  but this summer he discovered that he loves to ride his bike.  not very far, mind you, but ride it nonetheless.  he wakes up early every morning before school to ride his bike while his daddy walks the dog.  cute.
13) dixie chicks, y'all.  it was everything.

 14) august brought us a new nephew!  look at my man lookin' fine holding that baby. (no, we are not having any more kids).

15) in all honesty, this is what summer really looked like.  tents for movie time, afternoon swims and legos everywhere.

16) and then before we knew it, back to school activities were underway.  
superfly haircuts, check.

 meet the teacher, check.
 crosby was timid because he got the teacher of his dreams and has a crush on her.  therefore, he refused to hug her or pose for a picture.
(and yes, both boy's teachers look like teenagers).
 second annual back-to-school hibachi dinner, check.

 17) poof! just like that, our lives changed.  our baby started big kid school.  i wanted to bawl my eyes out and do cartwheels down the hall at the same time.
 i was a little emotional, so that's why i am puffy, okay?

 how in the hell do we have a kindergartener and a third grader?  you know what that means?  that they will basically graduate from high school tomorrow.  i can't.

maybe my new normal will allow me to show up in this little space more often.
as always, thanks for reading.

looking forward to fightin' texas aggie football and a weekend spent with friends and family.
how was your week?  what are you looking forward to?